Future-Butterbar

This semester has been one of the roughest ones for me. I’m just still not sure what kind of person I really am honestly. I’ve progressed so far in some areas, then regressed more in others. I really want this semester to be over and I really want to go back home, to the warm, numb life that I had there. There, at least I had an excuse for my shortcomings, here, I’ve got no one but myself to blame. I really just want someone to notice me for once, someone to actually take an interest in me. I have a terrible knack for placing affection where it cannot and will not be returned, which seems to almost utterly destroy me every time, but I don’t know how to fix it. I feel like maybe it’s something internally wrong, maybe I’m an outsider within an fringe community. I am thankful that I have a few really good people that care about me though, with whom, I know I can battle through anything. I am also very lucky that my family loves me, and supports me as best as they can, which is pretty damn good comparably. A lot of families can’t do that, so I’m thankful mine can. I hope someday I can help them like they’ve helped me. Sometimes my future seems so bright and beautiful, like a postcard worthy beach vista and sometimes, it seems so dark and dismal, like a war-torn wasteland.